The hits just keep coming... literally.

Back in June, the not-so-acclaimed director of the films Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne and House of the Dead, Uwe Boll, issued a challenge to all the critics of his films: put your fist where your mouth is. No joke. He seriously challenged those who professionally or semi-professionally write about how bad his movies are to fight him in a boxing match. Wow, Uwe, you are too cool for school. Oh yeah, don't forget to tell them that you have some actual boxing experience, Uwe, because only pansies bring a knife to a knife fight. Four critics took the challenge, and one by one they were dropped to the canvas; thus proving that even the biggest hacks in Hollywood can have heavy hands. Don't believe me, check out the video for yourself.

Maybe you haven't seen any of Boll's movies so you're wondering why you should hate him so much. Well folks, again, I have the answer. Check out the following video that features audio clips from the man himself during the audio commentary for Alone in the Dark. Just stick with it, the last 30 seconds are probably the best.

I know what you're thinking right now, and yes, I would box Uwe Boll, but only if they let me bring one of those giant Q-tips from "American Gladiators."

Check back for more horror stuff later this week!

There can only be one?

George A. Romero ought be a bitter, bitter guy. His Night of the Living Dead spawned two of his own sequels (masterpieces in their own right) and a league of parodies (Shaun of the Dead), rip-offs (Return of the Living Dead), video game spin-offs (Dead Rising) and a direct remake (Tom Savini's 1991 Night of the Living Dead); but this is something completely "new."

Night of the Living Dead 3D will open on 1500 screens (including Phoenix!) on Nov. 10, 2006. As the film's site notes, "This is a new motion pictures filmed in 3D that is a reimagining of the 1968 public domain pictures Night of the Living Dead, George A. Romero is not affiliated in any way with this film." Well then, I guess it's fine by me. I mean, it is public domain, right? Anyways, the new film is directed by Jeff Broadstreet (of no particular fame) yet stars B-film veteran Sid Haig (House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects), which is promising. The trailer for NOTD3D shows a healthy amount of humor and references to the original film, especially the text message "COMING 4 U BARB." It may not be as sly (or fun) as Shaun of the Dead, but I'll definitely be catching a late night three-dimensional screening of this Romero replica.

In other not-quite-horror-but-still-gory news, iFilm has released the 300 promotional trailer online. 300 is based on a Frank Miller and Lynn Varley graphic novel and chronicles the semi-historic/semi-mythological battle at the Hot Gates of Thermopylae where 300 Spartans defeated an army of more than 100,000 invading Persians. Directed by Zack Snyder, who directed the remake of Dawn of the Dead, 300 looks like it might be the Sin City for 2007 - chockful of manly-man things like swords, hot women, blood aplenty and giant CGI battle scenes. Check out the trailer and let me what you think.

Edit: I'm embedding the trailer for everyone to save you a click.
Edit2: ifilm took down the video. I'm working to find another source to embed. Thanks.

One last thing here, Feast hits theaters tomorrow, but from what I can tell, nowhere locally is playing it (and because I'm not syndicated and famous, I don't get invited to screenings around the world). I'll keep my eyes out for a Phoenix release and get a personal review up as soon as it's possible. If you know something I don't about where to go see Feast in Phoenix, please let me know. Thanks!

"Masters of Horror" gets a big thumbs up!

I finally convinced the girlfriend to rent them. They've been sitting on that shelf at Blockbuster taunting me for months. I wasn't able to talk her into ordering Showtime for the original screening, how could I get her to rent them now? Well, it finally happened -we left without She's the Man and with the first disc from the Showtime "Masters of Horror" series.

"Masters of Horror" is a Showtime series where legendary horror filmmakers are able to direct and produce a one-hour horror story. This particular disc featured episodes from Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) and John Carpenter (The Thing, Halloween). The result is premium cable magic!

Gordon's "Dreams in the Witch House" is based on a (if you know Gordon you would have guessed it) H.P. Lovecraft story. The simple plot revolves a graduate physics student renting a dingy room in ancient house so he can get some piece and quiet. Long story short, the student begins to have these visions of crazy things which include great creepy moments like a rat with a human face. The visions become more and more real as more of the house's legacy is revealed, and the audience is left constantly guessing at what is real and what is madness. The story, while simple, contains some great tension and "freak-out moments," not to mention more than a couple pints of blood. Be warned, it is slightly cheesy at times, but as a whole, definitely worth the watch.

Carpenter's "Cigarette Burns" is much more psychological than what you would expect from the guy who brought you the mindless slasher film Halloween and the gore-fest The Thing. "Cigarette Burns" involves a young man dealing with his inner demons while searcing for someone else's. Kirby (played by Norman Reedus of Boondock Saints) is a young cinema owner with a dark past who is sent on a quest to find the only copy of a film only screened once. The film is impossible to find because, get this, it alleged drove the audience of its only screening to a homicidal frenzy. What sounds like a dumber version of the The Ring (if such a thing is possible... oh yeah, The Grudge), turns out to be a relatively complex look into faith, redemption, greed, art, voyeurism and God. If you think it sounds a bit heavy and complex for a one-hour horror film you're right, and if it was done by anyone but the masterful John Carpenter, it would have been a disaster. As it stands, this short piece is one of the most original, bizarre and gory horror films I've seen in a long time and a must see for all fans of the genre.

In other news, two great reviews of Pan's Labyrinth are up on IGN and Ain't It Cool News. If you missed it, the trailer to this exciting dark fantasy tale is linked to in the previous post.

Some awesome new trailers

Stand really still in the desert night, and you just might hear "Project Greenlight" and horror fans rejoicing around the world. You guessed it, the Feast trailer has snuck its way under the Internet. For those who don't know, "Project Greenlight" (or "PGL") is a show where amateur screenwriters and directors audition for positions to have their film made by a major studio with the whole production process being documented for a reality TV show. The latest film from the project is Feast, a supposedly tongue-in-cheek horror movie about, you probably can guess, monsters. The entire thing sounds like a semi-remake of the best movie about criminals being attacked by vampires in a Mexican strip club ever: From Dusk Till Dawn, which if you haven't seen it, bookmark this page and then go to the video store and rent it, but do yourself a favor and be sure to pick up a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a few friends on the way home.

Anyways, back to Feast. Catch the trailer at IGN and let me know what you think. Personally, I don't think that it comes across as tongue-in-cheek as I had hoped, but if it takes itself half as lightly as Snakes on a Plane, I'll be happy. Fingers crossed that it turns out as funny, scary and disturbingly violent as the trailer looks.

Not exactly horror, but Guillermo del Toro's latest trailer is online. Del Toro, as most of you will know, is the brilliant director of Hellboy (a.k.a. the best comic book film of all-time) and Blade II, but more important, he made the incredible Spanish-language horror flick The Devil's Backbone. The latter film, while not well known, demonstrates del Toro's awe-inspiring ability to create intensity and suspense while slowly unraveling a complicated, meaningful story. Shyamalan's got nothing on this guy!

Pan's Labyrinth looks to be a dark fantasy story that we've all seen before, but never like this. The film is already rated R by the MPAA for "graphic violence and some language," which means I'm stoked. Pan's Labyrinth debuts Dec. 29, so it looks as if we're in store for some pseudo-horror fun, the perfect thing to wind down the "festive holiday season." This will be del Toro's first Spanish film since The Devil's Backbone.

Keep your eyes on the HorrorGeek, because later this week I'll have some reviews of the Masters of Horror DVDs.

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